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Mormon Researchers Declare Portugal Lisbon Best Mission in the World
SALT LAKE CITY — In a shocking declaration made today by LDS mission experts, the Lisbon Portugal mission was awarded ‘The Best Mission in the World.’ “We thought it would be a close call with a few of...
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Young Priesthood Holder Nearly Has Unclean Thought; Thwarted by Shirt with...
SALT LAKE CITY—Teachers quorum president Mark Hansen was foiled from his usual creepy gazing of a popular Mia Maid member when she adjusted her wardrobe to be more comfortable (and consequently less...
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LDS Church Begins New “Not Even Once” Anti-Beard Campaign
SALT LAKE CITY — In a bold political move, the LDS Church began the new anti-beard campaign “Not Even Once” to distance itself from the unrighteousness that comes with facial hair. Recent studies show...
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LDS Church Happily Announces that David Archuleta’s Mission Accomplished Way...
SALT LAKE CITY — Following the recent media coverage between sessions of General Conference, the LDS Church issued a press release saying David Archuleta’s mission was, in fact, way more valuable than...
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Comment Troll Convinces Faithful Mormon to Leave Church
SALT LAKE CITY — After decades of faithful belief and church activity, area man Hyrum Taylor renounced his beliefs and church membership after reading an “anti-Mormon” rant on an Internet comment...
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EFY Organizers Shake 2014 Program Like a Polaroid Picture
PROVO — Especially For Youth organizers announced a revamped theme for the 2014 summer programs, in keeping with the LDS Church’s efforts to reach out and relate to youth. The first major change is...
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More High Profile Excommunications Expected to Follow
SALT LAKE CITY- Ever since the the New York Times broke the story last week that well known Mormon doubters Kate Kelly and John Dehlin face Church discipline on grounds of apostasy, faithful Latter-day...
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American General Authorities Also Excited about Native Language Rules
SALT LAKE CITY − With new allowances for foreign General Authorities to speak their native language, many are wishing to know whether German-born Dieter F. Uchtdorf will speak in his native tongue....
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General Authority Keeps Using “Staying in the Luxury Yacht” Analogy
SALT LAKE CITY — In the Sunday afternoon session of General Conference, Elder M. Russell Ballard reminded everyone to stay in the boat, especially if that boat were a Sycara V superyacht. Ballard began...
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Teen’s “I’m a Mormon” Profile Pic Liked by Seven Other Mormons
PROVO – Over the last week, 16-year-old Emily Walker faced the difficult decision of deciding on a new Facebook profile pic. “I was having a hard time choosing between a cute picture of my playfully...
View Article7 Ways to Obey the Word of Wisdom Better than Everyone Else
Give up bananas as they are never in season in North America. Look disappointed and pray quietly when parents give bananas to their children around you. Grow your own tobacco. Use it to heal wounds on...
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Parents of 24-Year-Old Returned Missionary Not Sure Where They Went Wrong
DENVER — Dale and Jolene Matthews are parents to six wonderful children, despite growing concern that their 24-year-old son Mark might not live up to his potential. Mark returned home from his mission...
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Woman Perfecting Facebook Post Misses Entire Sunday Afternoon Session
Ogden, UT—Local LDS woman Karen Shields reported missing an entire session of the LDS’ Church semiannual General Conference after trying to adequately phrase her Facebook post earlier this afternoon....
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President Monson Invites Dissenters to His House to Prove He’s Actually a Way...
SALT LAKE CITY — In response to the handful of people who shouted “opposed” this past weekend and must just not know what the prophet is really like, President Thomas S. Monson invited the dissenters...
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LDS Video Game to Hit Shelves This Summer
SALT LAKE CITY — We’ve had Mormon musicians, musicals and movies. But this summer, the first ever LDS video game, “World of the Legend of Missionary’s Creed of Duty,” will be sold at Deseret Book. The...
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New Dermatological Study on Mormons Gives Scientific Reason for...
PROVO—A new study published in Tuft University’s Journal of Pseudo-Scholarship and BYU’s Digital Universe has shed new light on the so-called “Mormon glow,” claiming that Mormons have a higher skin...
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Flustered Priest Enters Fourth Attempt of Sacrament Prayer
LEHI, UT — Sources report 16-year-old Jimmy Clusterfield has begun his fourth attempt at precisely reading the prayer for the water portion of the sacrament, after completely botching it up three times...
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8 Lesser-Known Facts About President Russell M. Nelson
Due to the recent death of President Boyd K. Packer, Russell M. Nelson has been set apart as President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and will be sustained as such at the upcoming General...
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Local Pioneer Reenactment Trek Warned Their Departure Date is Too Late in the...
PROVO—Due to early summer events and multiple scheduling conflicts, the yearly pioneer trek across the Utah Valley remained an afterthought to members of the Provo 6,278th Stake. It was prayerfully...
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5 People Who Could Be the Next Apostle
With three spots on the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles up for grabs, we take a look at some of the top candidates to join the Brethren on the stand at General Conference. Pope Francis With over 40 years...
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